Corrine (cadi_ray) wrote,

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wouldn't it be so cool...

Explanation 2017: The following was written the night before a psychiatric hospitalization for psychosis after not sleeping a couple days. On a side note, reading this entry years ago is why I started taking my meds religiously.

What if I had the soul of a great princess from long ago...
Wouldn't that just be so fucking cool!

What little girl doesn't want someone to serve their every whim?
What is she really saying?
want=I want people to notice me=I need to be heard, cause I'm hurting inside.
What is someone saying when they play?
They are saying I learned something, I'm happy.
What are men saying when they compete?
I want someone to notice me, cause I'm special.
Any human who rules another human is fundamentally wrong, because they aren't leading people to find what they need. They are leading them to the desires of a leader.
Any true leader finds what is inside a person that makes them tick.
Not what ticks them off, that is different.
A true leader cares about their brother or sister.
Cause actions speak louder than words my friend.
It isn't about who is king or queen, true leadership comes from a sincere caring for others.
Understanding that the world is full of mirrors...that people mirror the actions of others...They mirror the wants of others in some parallel universe...True leadership is about helping other people find the leader in themselves...Helping people find what they need for survival...because people are smart...they know what they need...If I were a leader, I'd teach people to lead themselves...It isn't a a golden ticket...of course people will find their own leader...the person who speaks to them...people who want wealth and power, will find it...cause it ain't about is about caring for your friends my is about finding your own spirit...What dreams you felt like you lost in youth, they are there...cause your true spirit will find you as you you feel like a spirit guide.
My spirit guide is my goofy family and wacky pictures I find amusing...It is the memories of family...of what makes me happy...happiness is finding comfort within yourself...find something you remember from when you were happy. Maybe it is the time you sat down after work and it felt nice to be off your feet, cause you finally got to just relax...maybe it was the time you were playing video games with your friends...maybe it was the time your mom gave you a hug...or maybe it was the time you heard a good joke...maybe it was awesome when you found out that guy you really like, kinda liked you too...if it makes you happy to know you pleased me, like I'm some kinda last hope...You pleased me, by accident...the only thing people need to know is everything will be okay if you have faith in that if you are homeless right now, it doesn't mean you always will be...If it is cold today, it will be sunny tomorrow....don't give up faith in your own survival, just cause...Just look around you and see how beautiful what you created is...if it isn't learn how to be free like your cat...the only reason I am who I am is because I learned from the greatest, the world around me...just look around it is the most beautiful thing...the stars, the mountains, the cities, it is beautiful to just be is beautiful to it because of your own inner muse, it takes time and patience to will find you if you believe it.
Of course see if it makes sense to you and your friends and what you feel...if it makes you feel like something might hurt you, don't do it...just do it because it feels good...I ain't no god, I just very clever girl. just like you...or clever boy, whatever makes sense to you. Maybe my grandma had to run from ww2 from money...I didn't realize this exactly. It is so unfortunate that people are forced by other people into bad situations just to find money. cause money doesn't equal happiness...happiness is finding your spirit. it is being able to be free from the pain of thinking you can't control your own life. that everyone is coming to get you or kick you out of home.
Tags: bizarre insight, just trying to help, right before the hospital
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