When people ask you to tell them about yourself, you state your name, then your mental disorder. Always in that order, just enough breath to sputter out a couple syllables before you identify yourself with what they told you that you are. Well, that’s not you, and it never has been. I wish you’d erase it out of your destiny, and tell them who you really are. What music you fall asleep to, what seasons you flourish in, what your parents are like, how many love letters you’ve sent, the amazing times you’ve had, the beautiful thoughts you keep medicated and sedated, what you think first thing in the morning, how many times you’ve watched the sunrise, where you want to be in 20 years. I want you to tell them all of it, not just one scientific name that’s plagued your life since you were 12. You say it’s 80% teen angst, and 20% in your head. They told you that your chemicals were gone so many times that you started to believe it. I want you to tell them all of it, because you are everything you do, not just a prescription, not just a doctor’s note, not just an excuse to be suffocated by your lack of vulnerability, not just a word that puts your life on hold until it fades away.
I will not see you as a disorder or an illness, ever. I will see you as you are. I will see you as the hip hop love songs, the spring flowers, the overprotective family, the 23 love letters, the nights spent taking road trips till you found the ocean, the things you write down at night, the things you write down in the morning, the 59 sunrises, the dreams of sunset beaches with lights dimmed low, and so much more.
Because you see yourself in the mirror and wonder if the pills are working, but I see you face to face and wonder who you are today, what beautiful things you’ve learned or taught.
You are not bipolar, you are not manic depressive, you are not obsessive compulsive, you are not attention deficit, you are not bulimic, you are not generalize anxiety, you are none of them. You are you, and I wish you’d tell people that. Because it’s the truth, even if you don’t see it anymore, even if you don’t see it yet." skatemeanliveclean2011