Corrine (cadi_ray) wrote,

Why be yourself

Being myself didn't come naturally to me. I went to high school where I had no choice, but to be myself it was too small to be anyone else (people would know). But I graduated and took some internet quizzes. I fooled myself into thinking I was this punk rock chick, which is strange I attended private school and am not very punk. So I listened to a little punk and got a job at a bar. Years passed this self deception hurt me greatly. The truth is it wasn't me, I didn't think anarchy would work and I only liked a couple punk songs here or there. People laughed at me to my face calling me badass like I didn't realize what they were really saying. I met real punks and after years of knowing one in particular my desire to be punk faded.

The thing is people will accept of reject you because they connect with you. If they connect with something real, you have a real friendship. If they connect with a fake self, you have an insecure bond. You have to explain that who they loved is not the real you. Often people will not forgive you for being fake and when presented with your true self after being presented with the fake self, they don't trust it is your real self. So all the work I put into those friendships when I was "punk" is lost. Some people forgave me, some aren't sure, some never will, and others don't like either self. I wasn't trying to impress anyone or be a badass, I just took I internet quizzes too seriously, because I have a problem. I don't really believe I am an INFP or have an above average iq at this point, because I have stopped trusting quizzes. But it is important to be yourself. I know as well as you do this isn't an easy task. Understanding who you are in order to be yourself is a challenge. There are whole classes dedicated to teaching people how to be themselves. For one if you doing something to impress someone else and it isn't a job requirement, then you are being fake. Instead of punk rock, I looked into what music I enjoy. What arises when you want to be yourself is a fear of rejection, but either way you will face rejection. Might as well be yourself so then you won't have an imagine to maintain.
Tags: be yourself, poser, posers, rejection
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