Corrine (cadi_ray) wrote,

I'll be at a poetry reading at the Laughing Goat tonight. If you want to hear me read you have to tell Thom or I will just chill in the audience. If you have a request, show me it after you tell Thom. He has known me since I was a child, so if you ask for me by Corrine rather than rai-key it will be easier. If you see this and think oh man I missed a great opportunity, fear not, I go nearly every week until I write something otherwise.

So I lost about 35 pounds by swimming 5 days a week in the past few years. I finally fit into normal woman sizes and am in the healthy bmi range (just barely). Now if only getting sane was as easy as losing weight...

I wrote an article for the monthly newsletter at the local mental health center about my real recovery journey. I would link to it, because it is online, but I worry about my safety. I have been busy writing, but I can't post most of it due to progress in recovery. Basically it is about other people and I can't play the victim role or assasinate the character of other people anymore whether it is true or not.

I still have a scar from breaking my hand, it is vertical and faint on my right hand. My pinky bends a funny way now. Really wish people would leave me alone, but every time I say that more people harass me. I'm so tired of this rumor. I just started writing so many years ago and now I do it complusively. I wish I could do it in peace. I don't get what the big deal is about being rai_key or lost_the_key. will forward to this blog. I'm not some genius poet. I listen to the people at the laughing goat every week and I hear people with real talent or people who have real training and it is intimidating. I'm learning so much. I am just this livejournal blogger who rants and writes bad poetry. I journal. thats about it. I'm not trying to be humble or self deprocating, that is the truth. I don't think my spell check is working and I can't spell, so I'm sorry you probably think I am an idiot.

I don't even understand why anyone would think I am the real one. I mean wouldn't the real one have written journals lying around. Wouldn't she have cell phones with drafts on them she never posted. Wouldn't she have drafts on her old computers. Wouldn't she have very few friends, because she is some kind of technology social media addict who rarely leaves the house? Wouldn't she need to wear contacts or glasses from looking at the screen too much? Wouldn't she have Buddhists books lying around? Wouldn't she live in some level of horrible mess, because she never cleans from growing up in a messy house? Wouldn't she have some of the art from art school lying around the house? Wouldn't it have been in a couple shows? You know, like that ballerina on I mean if I really have schizoaffective disorder wouldn't I need to take medication? Wouldn't I need to go to groups and therapy? Wouldn't that be a little disabling at times? If I really went to Waldorf wouldn't someone from there remember me? If I really worked at a computer lab, wouldn't I still be pretty good with computers? Wouldn't people remember me? Wouldn't there be security cam footage? If I really worked at bars, wouldn't I know people from those bars? I mean if you live far away it can't add up, but if you investigated it enough it has to add up at some point. You can't rely on what people SAY, but you can rely on what they DO. Maybe some of what I say or do might not add up, because she is trying to trick you, but if you really watch when neither of us thinks you are looking you will get the answer. But honestly with the numbers I see on my stats it hardly seems worth it. Yes all 19 of you, it really is me. The not so famous rai_key with hardly any readers.

I'm still going to keep writing until I die whether you think it is Corrine or not.

Thanks for reading!
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