Corrine (cadi_ray) wrote,
Corrine
cadi_ray

so what is schizoaffective disorder?

I talk often about my schizoaffective disorder and psychosis, so I should explain what schizoaffective disorder is in my own words.

Affective means mood disorder, so it has a component of either depression or bipolar disorder. For me I mostly experience depression, but I have been informed I have the bipolar type. It is common for people with bipolar disorder to mostly experience depression, this is what people in the bipolar group I attended expressed. What makes it different from bipolar 1 or bipolar is I experience psychosis even when I am in a normal mood (not depressed or manic). I also have the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Okay, so what is psychosis, to get a diagnosis of psychosis a person must experience at least one of the following delusions, paranoia or hallucinations. In my most severe episode, I experienced them all together. So what is a delusion? It means I believe something is true about reality that isn't true, now many of us do that like we might believe we are a great singer when we aren't, but it is a little different than that, I believed I could fly (fortunately there were bars on the windows) or that I was someone else. Paranoia means I think someone is coming to get me like thinking my neighbors are aliens or gang members when there is no evidence of this. Hallucinations is seeing, hearing or feeling something that is not there.

Oh right what are negative symptoms. Lack of motivation, apathy, inappropriate emotional responses, being quiet, isolation, impaired attention, Anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), lethargy, and lack of sex drive. I also add problems with memory and slowed response times. I've started to forget people's faces within context and names of people I have known for a year or more. It's really embarrassing and people feel really hurt, it's heartbreaking.

The way I experience the positive symptoms as of today is not at all. A few days ago I had a delusion start coming up and I did some reality testing, then it went away. I felt depressed and unmotivated to leave my car. When I do have a full blown episode it is scary and disorienting because I think one thing is going on, but the people around me don't understand what is going on or they are trying to medicate me and keep me safe.
Tags: realschizoaffective, schizoaffective
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